#11 Add Spice to your sex-life
Exploring ways to add spice to your sex life has a dual purpose – it brings you closer as you share your intimate desires with each other and at the same time it allows you to explore your sexuality in all its dimensions. Where sex is considered there is no absolute standard of normal and couples can discuss and decide to explore new horizons.
Simply adding common sex toys like a vibrator, handcuff and blindfold can lead a regular couple to a great sex life. Role-play is another way to add a touch of erotica, for example a couple could pretend it’s their first day at college, or they meet at a bar, or spend a night in a hotel room pretending to be strangers meeting for casual sex.
#12 Light Bondage – Domination as a theme
The huge success of ‘50 shades of grey’ catapulted the theme of domination and submission on to the global theatre. It became the fastest selling book in 10,000 years of human history.
Written by a woman, its audience readers are mostly women; just like the popular Mills and boons type of romance novels which command a market of INR 10,000 Crores globally.
A couple can decide who will be the dominant and who the submissive, though generally men exercise the dominant role.
As a submissive, a woman gives up complete control to her man. In a committed relationship, this equals the ultimate level of trust as the woman is completely vulnerable in this position. By giving up control, she can experience complete relaxation and enjoy with her partner without any inhibitions.
The terms of the dom / sub relationship need to be worked out in advance, along with a safe word or gesture at which the entire activity must come to a halt. During a survey of the kink industry, the top 10 desires expressed were the same as that of regular sex – kissing, cuddling, caressing, touching, licking, biting, squeezing, scratching, spanking and hair pulling.
#13 Spontaneous sex is for adolescents
If you waited to have sex, until the conditions were perfect for it, you could wait till eternity. Modern busy schedules have a way of getting in the way and there is no denying the continuous and prolonged stress in our daily lives. Stress is the #1 killer of sex – both partners need to be relaxed and tension free to have great sex. Schedule sex with your partner, and make adequate time for it.
Here is a snapshot of what ‘spontaneous sex’ entails:
Washroom stop, flossing, birth control, lubricants, small towels or paper napkin roll to deal with the body fluids, making sure your armpits don’t smell, clean sheets, dim lights, soothing music, phones and devices off, kids put to sleep, partner’s mood is good, you are super excited and so is your partner, freshen up or take a shower, put aside the files you brought home from work, make sure no holes in your underwear, pubic area trimmed, no smells, deo applied in all the right places, kid’s homework done, housework done, a half bottle of wine, some cool snack like chocolate, vibrator, blindfold, lubricant and the like within hand’s reach, and provided you’ve done your homework and primed your partner for sex, raised your mutual expectation and anticipation levels, all burning issues at home have been discussed and put to rest, bills paid and in general life has been put in order.
Time to have ‘spontaneous’ sex.
#14 Imagine this is your first time ever
As relationships become old, we tend to neglect ourselves. Think back to when you were to meet your potential mate for the first time, and then perhaps the first time you had sex / became physically intimate. How careful you were! Best clothes, well cared for and toned body, well groomed, fresh haircut, smelling good and so on and on. You wanted to make a good impression on your better half and were not sure of their reaction. That was your winning formula and you have by default changed it over time. What’s more, your behaviour has changed too – you are no longer all that polite, courteous and chivalrous.
Bring back the magic and a readiness to please your partner and win their approval – the entire dynamics of your relationship will change. Humans react to and absorb very quickly the aura of their partner – projecting a positive happy joyful vibe will create a new vibrancy leading to great sex.
#15 What’s the hurry, take your time
Spend time talking and touching each other, share your day, laugh with your partner, empathize with him / her and let them feel your love and affection. This will help both of you relax in each other’s company, and allow the desire to build up.
To know the exact steps to take here, please take the help of our signature program ‘The 8-Fold path to sexual Nirvana’. Broadly speaking, this is your ‘WE’ time and you must make the most of it. Spend a lot of time in foreplay – remember, this is not something you DO to each other, it’s something you do with each other. Start with light kisses, go slow, allow the passion to build up. Slow deliberate moves allow you to spend more time with your partner and increases the pleasure for both. Stretching this ‘WE time is a key to great sex.
#16 Sex is no laughing matter
Women like men with a great sense of humor, and enjoying and laughing together is good for a relationship in general. But, when it comes to sex, DO NOT LAUGH!
Great sex depends largely on the build-up of sexual arousal through relaxation and Foreplay creating ‘sexual tension’ in the body. (as distinct from the normal meaning of Tension.) The moment you laugh, the entire sexual tension evaporates, and the arousal goes back to zero. In fact, it may mean the end of your sexual encounter for the day. Never laugh during the entire act of sex. Once the sex is over, and you are relaxing with your partner, any form of humor and laughter is welcome again.
#17 Use Birth control
It is important to attend to birth control issues and a man must use a condom if required. The withdrawal method of birth control is not effective at all. If you are worried about pregnancy issues, you cannot relax or enjoy sex. Consult your doctor if required.
#18 Use Lubricant
A woman’s vagina should be considered the 8th wonder of the world for it’s self-lubricating ability. However, some women may experience pain or vaginal dryness during intercourse. This may be more pronounced in menopausal or post-menopausal women.
A water based or a silicon based lubricant can help with the dryness. If the man is using a condom, it’s better to use water-based lube, as the silicon based lube can degrade the condom.
#19 Get a full body consent before sex
Marital Rape is not a legal crime in India; but it is certainly a reprehensible act, and will kill your relationship in the long run. Remember that both the partners have an absolute RIGHT to say NO at any given time. Please respect and honour that right and do not proceed till you get a full body consent.
Women enjoy sex as much as men do, and if a woman is saying NO, then clearly she is not saying NO to the sexual pleasure, but to something else.
Be gentle and affectionate with your partner. Find out what is the problem? Most likely she was not in the mood and agreed to have sex in order not to offend you. It is a man’s duty to put her in the mood and to cease and desist till she gives her full body consent.
A full body consent means that she is not just agreeing to, but highly desirous of being sexually indulgent with you. The Sanskrit word for a woman’s vagina is YONI – meaning a scared place, like a temple. Enter only if she allows you with a deep desire that you should enter the most sacred and intimate place in her body; enter as a priest of love, otherwise STOP.
When you enter in such humility, great sex is inevitable, not just this time but for the rest of your life. For details join ‘The 8-Fold path to Sexual Nirvana’.
#20 Relax and enjoy
Sex is the most potent stress buster there is. Ride the pleasure train with your partner and from time to time you will glimpse the peaks of orgasm. Don’t stop, carry on the journey. Great sex will lead to a great relationship and an all-round 24/7 bliss.
To create an aura of orgasmic bliss with your partner, we encourage you to take professional help, and take your sex life to greater heights. Our signature program ‘The 8-Fold Path To Sexual Nirvana’ is the best gift you can give to yourself and your partner.